The moment you receive your acceptance letter or call to nursing school, your life changes. In an instant, you feel ALL THE FEELS. Seriously, you feel everything. Happiness, overwhelm, anxiety, doubt, fear, hope, joy, all of the above. Your friendships and family relationships begin to change. Some people are overjoyed for you and some people…are just not. And it hurts. Yet, feels wonderful at the same time. This is growth.
My story was pretty much no different. I applied to nursing school in the early Fall of 2006 and anxiously awaited word if I had been accepted. The entire process was exhausting, yet extremely fulfilling. I remember other students in my pre-requisite Microbiology class finding out that they did (or didn’t) get accepted. I opted to have my letter sent to my Parent’s house, so others found out before me. This set my nerves on fire. Imagine the hundreds of applications that had been submitted, only to fill less than 80 spots. The odds…unlikely.
This is when the doubt really set in for me. My GPA? Not the best. My ACT? Barely above minimum requirements. Who was I to think that I could apply and get into this program? The only thing I had in my corner was that I quit the softball team…FOR THIS. I didn’t go to another college to be able to play ball and go to nursing school…FOR THIS. I forfeited my scholarship…FOR THIS. And I truly felt called…TO AND FOR THIS. So, I waited. And waited. And waited some more.
I had already instructed my Mother to call me when the letter came in the mail. I didn’t care what time, CALL. I had already warned my Micro Professor, that I would be stepping out of class, if my Mother called. I specifically don’t remember learning anything that day in lab. The phone rang and my life changed forever. My Mother and Grandmother (who was very sick,) called and told me they had my “package.” Package? The first question I immediately asked was, “Is it thick?” I had already been informed that if it was thick, it was your acceptance paperwork and other documents that had to be turned in. If it was thin, it was a rejection letter. My Mother screamed, “Oooh, it’s thick, girl!!” And I was IN!! I would have done anything to actually see my Mother’s and Grandmother’s reactions. You have to remember that this was in the Land Before Time…FaceTime that is! So their screams…and mine, will just have to do! And honestly, that was enough. I will never forget this day as long as I live.
Looking back, I’m so grateful for this memory. It was one of those rare, but completely amazing moments that you get to share with people that you love. A core memory. It was almost a month exactly after my Mother and Grandmother opened my acceptance letter, that my Grandmother went Home to be with the Lord. And many times, when I feel like there is something that I missed out on, I remember the day my Grandmother told me she was proud of me. And I cry with happiness, just like she did for me that day.
Starting nursing school was hard. Everything was new…and different…and scary. What the heck is a select all that apply question? Why are all the answers right? Which black is the blackest black? I completely embarrassed my self (or so I thought) when I ugly cried when they asked everyone why they wanted to be a nurse. I skipped my turn a couple of times, until I was forced to share. And y’all…IT WAS BRUTAL. I was sobbing and snotting everywhere. I had to go home and take a nap after the day was over, it was that bad. But, I am glad that I did, because now I had a huge portion of my WHY! I held on to the fact that I was going to keep making my Grandmother proud through my journey through nursing school. And then…the enemy came….just like he always does when you are well on your way down Will of God Road.
To make a 2-year story really short, I struggled. I was too proud to ask for help and too confused to know what to ask if I did. I had never really struggled with school before, and here I was. Failing out of the one thing I really wanted. At the end of my first semester, I failed Pathophysiology by .2 points…right before my 21st birthday. I was devastated. But, I wasn’t out. There would be many more struggles to come. Pharmacology almost did me in. I had to repeat my dosage calculations exam the max amount of times in 3rd semester. And 4th semester…was great…until, that one time at clinical where I thought I could totally rock doing a wet-to-dry dressing change without my Instructor present. Yeah, that didn’t go too well.
Looking back, it really is nothing short of a miracle that I made it. Everything that happened and everything that I caused…and I still made it. And you can make it too. A dream delayed is not a dream denied. I believe that the biggest blessing in all of this is that God’s Will for me in this season of my life was still done…IN SPITE OF ME! Not in spite of everyone else, not the enemy, but me. And that is comforting beyond measure. Not even I could mess up what was for me. And you can’t either. Be better, friends. Do better. The time is now, so do it now. I hope that as you are either returning to nursing school in this season, or starting your nursing school journey like I did, that you will push and give all that you have. That you will ask for help, even if you don’t know what to ask. Just go to that Instructor that gives you their all and yell HELP! They will know what to do. I hope that you will never give up, even when faced with failure. And that you will answer the call that God has placed on your life, no matter what you have to sacrifice in the process. You are enough. You are worthy. You are that nurse. Go and BE.
Be blessed future nurses,
A.G.
