Or posted on Instagram. Or Facebook. Or blogged about. 2019 looked so different for so many people. But what I can pretty much guarantee, is that we all took a loss or two (or more than we would like to count) this year. The trouble is that when we look at people walking around and what they post on social media, it all looks like a highlight reel. Everyone talking about their wins and almost no one talking about their losses. But guys, everyone and I do mean EVERYONE is over here taking L’s.
I think reminding yourself of God’s faithfulness by celebrating your wins, either publicly or privately, is a wonderful thing. But, I also think that reminding yourself and showing others a glimpse of how you have overcome your struggles and challenges is a great way to show God’s faithfulness as well. People need to see your struggles. People need to see your challenges. People need to see you in the valley moments, so they can understand you what it really means when you are on the mountain. So they can see that they can make it through their valley moments too. So they can see God’s faithfulness in those moments and beyond. So, today, I want to reflect on the biggest struggles and challenges that 2019 brought me. But, this reflection does come with a disclaimer: Please don’t compare your highlight reel to someone else’s, nor their struggles. My struggles may not look like much compared to what you went through this year. Just remember, we have all taken L’s in silence and all of our situations are different. There is no prize for who rode the struggle bus the most in 2019.
- In March, I found out that the job I loved so much would be ending. The school I was the Director of the Nursing Program for would be entering a teach-out and closing. My program was projected to last through December and my last group of nursing students would finish at this time. I, along with my team, would remain on until this time and we would all leave at the same time. While this news was very hard, I was happy about the time frame. This would give us plenty of time to finish out the great work we started and we would all have time to figure out what we would do in the future. To make a very long, complicated, and extremely dramatic story short, things didn’t fully pan out this way. I wasn’t able to keep my full team until the close, our instructors doubled up work just to be able to finish, our students’ graduation date was moved up to October, and my job ended 2 months earlier than it was supposed to. There was no severance package. The insurance ended in September, even though we were still there. And no COBRA coverage would be offered. Talk about stressed. I’ll come back to this…
- In an effort to prepare for the worst, I hustled harder than ever. I opened up my availability with my part-time job. I would travel out of state to teach a review, fly home and land around midnight, and be right back at my job as Director the same morning. Hustling hard isn’t some badge of honor (thanks Stephanie!) I overworked myself, I missed out on so many things, and I was just honestly tired. Looking back now, this challenge was the best thing that happened to me this year. I showed me that we can put work on a pedestal without even realizing it.
- My business struggled. While I busied myself with what was tangible, I lost sight of what could be. I didn’t blog very much (as you can see,) I took long breaks from social media, I didn’t promote my entrance exam prep like I should have. 2019 could have been a great year of growth for Nursing For All. Instead, the year became a great year of lessons. I now understand that this is perfectly fine. Everything happens as it should. This has made me so prepared for next year.
- I decided to get REALLY uncomfortable and start serving at church. Now, pump the breaks SAINTS! This totally made my highlight reel, but it also made the challenge list. Specifically, because the minute I made the decision to start serving, the enemy came at me with guns a’ blazing! My time got tighter than ever, making it difficult to be in town to serve. I ALMOST completely missed the auditions for Venture Worship. I wasn’t prepared at all. I am an introvert, so serving drains me, yet fuels me at the same time. It is really a challenge learning how to balance it all.
- Let’s revisit #1: When I found out that my job was going to end 2 months earlier than originally planned, I really didn’t know what I was going to do. In my heart, I knew what I wanted more than anything, but it seemed so far-fetched to happen in the time frame that I needed it to. Even though I am willing to do whatever is necessary to help to provide for my family, I had gotten the sweet taste of freedom within my career. Freedom and a flexible schedule is so much better than a fat paycheck and having to be somewhere all the time. There were many offers made to me, but I put them off as “last resorts.” However, when I did apply for jobs that I felt would give me the freedom I desired along with the ability for growth within my career, things did not go as planned. I was literally hired on the spot during a phone interview for an online instructor position, only to find out that they wanted me to quit working for Hurst Review (HAHAHAHAHA…UM NOOOOO!) AND work only from my home office. Oh, and they wanted to offer me less money than I had ever made in my nursing career as a yearly salary. I really wish this was a joke. Another great opportunity never even contacted me back and another congratulated me on making it through to a second interview, only to email me back a few days later to let me know that I had been removed from the candidate pool, but “thank you for your great interview and interest.”
I went into 2019 with the confidence that this year would be a really big year. And it was. It was big in every way, both great and challenging. Don’t lose hope friends. Be bold. Praise through your challenges. Celebrate your victories. Be hopeful for what is unseen. Go for your dreams. Trust. Don’t be afraid to fall. Trust God to use and turn around what the enemy meant for evil. And maybe. Just maybe, that dream that seemed so far-fetched, so beyond your reach, might actually happen in ways you never imagined. Just like it did for me.
Happy New Year,
A.G.
